Firstly, people aren't typically rejecting you personally. Rejection is often based on reasons from the people doing the rejecting.
Rejection will happen in your life, no matter what. If someone rejects you, they will come up with a reason, even if it’s something inane and random. I could be that you’re too fat, too skinny, have hair that’s a little too long, hair a little too short, body is too muscular, not muscular enough, etc. The list is endless as to why a particular case of rejection happens.
There’s a saying in the positive thinking/personal development world that “rejection is a projection”. I would argue that most of the time, this is true. People are very self-focused and look at interactions as a “what’s in it for me” proposition. When someone approaches you, it’s natural to mentally search for answers as to why. A common reason is that people simply do not have enough time or resources to accept everyone, there are simply too many people in the world for this. This is a big reason why rejection isn’t personal.
The fear and pain of rejection is based on our primal wiring and is very common.
Worrying about rejection is worrying about the inevitable. For too long, even in my own life, people don’t make the effort to attempt to socialize or start conversations with others because of excessive worry over rejection. This is a hardwired thought pattern that we’ve evolved to have. Rejection meant exclusion from a tribe, and this meant exposure to danger and your life being placed in jeopardy. But in today’s world of modern conveniences, this thought pattern no longer serves us. Over half the battle of overcoming the fear or rejection is consciously overriding this evolved survival mechanism.
Intellectually, we know that our lives are short, and we only have a limited time on this earth. We don’t want to think about death, but we know it will happen and is inevitable. As is rejection.
Sometimes rejection looks like acceptance. Especially in today’s world, very few people will brutally reject you to your face (thankfully). Often the rejection will be softer. You may go on a date with someone who only wants to know you for what you’ll provide rather than wanting to truly get to know who you are. In general, it would appear that rejection is more common than being accepted in today’s world. Even the most attractive human beings get rejected at times…..and because they’re so gosh darn attractive! Taken together, you can see how fearing rejection is futile. In any case, it isn’t personal.
Look for ways that can make you more attractive, in spite of the rejections that you face.
One final note regarding the saying “Rejection is a projection”: If you are getting rejected by a lot of otherwise well-meaning people, it’s worth it to examine is happening on your end that may be contributing to it. Is your body language warm and open? Are you filled with self-doubt? Body language and non-verbal cues are huge parts of communication that most people secure in their own skin rarely think about, because they don’t have to. For those whose social skills are rusty, they need to be especially mindful of what is going on internally and how it comes across to others, as non-verbal cues tell others all about what is going on inside. So, rejection can serve as a potential valuable feedback loop for what you need to do to improve.
Photo by Andrik Langfield on Upsplash