We need to re-examine the idea of conflict in our relationships.
Too many people are scared of any kind of conflict in their lives. The harsh reality is that conflict is a normal part of life, and how it is handled makes all of the difference. Unfortunately, many will go to great lengths to avoid it while lowering the quality if their relationships. The word “conflict” in itself doesn’t conjure up many positive ideas, but oftentimes conflict can bring about many positive changes. The main issue is that people only look this is a negative, and believe that it can be avoided forever.
When we avoid conflict, we are holding back important parts of ourselves.
To illustrate why avoiding conflict is so detrimental, consider what brings people together in the first place. While each of us is different, we all share a common path in life. We have shared experiences and common threads, making each of us relatable to each other in many ways. It’s in the communication and sharing of our experiences and perspectives that brings us together, and it’s the withholding of this that can keep us apart. When conflict is avoided, this is a large and very important part of ourselves that we withhold from those that we have conflict with.
I’m not saying that we should go around and seek out conflict with others whenever possible, but it will come up over time. People will do things that we won’t agree with and will act in opposition to what we would prefer. We are all human and will make mistakes, or act in ways that will bother someone. When we have a personal or professional relationship with another person, we have the understand that conflict will be a given and certainly will come up – you cannot avoid it. How you handle it makes all of the difference.
Too many people believe that conflict is best avoided and never dealt with, and that it’s best to put up a façade of pleasantness. The fatal flaw with this approach is that this assumes that conflict can be avoided and not dealt with, and the issue(s) that started the inner conflict will simply fade away with time. This rarely happens in realty. In my book, Become Whole, I go much deeper into this topic and show practical ways to deal with minor and/or major conflicts to help develop deeper, more satisfying relationships.
One last point I want to share is that the act of constructively dealing with conflict can develop key social skills that will not only increase the quality of your relationships, but will also make you more effective at life. Again, when you avoid conflict, you are holding back vital parts of yourself that can bring you much closer to others, and can lead to resolution to the conflict. There are times when it may be best to let things slide though, and that depends on the type of relationship to the person that you have a conflict with.
image credit: Sunyu / Unsplash
1 thought on “Conflict is a good thing, and you should embrace it”
Avoiders avoid any kind of serious talk. They flee. It’s their coping mechanism they have learned from their childhood. But they talk about others flaws, just not theirs own.