Gossip is unavoidable, so how can we handle it in ways that build trust and integrity rather than destroy it?
Great care must be taken to what we say about others, especially in today's world.
Gossiping is an unavoidable consequence of being alive, and as such, we need to be aware of it’s impacts and how to handle it in ways that build trust rather than erode it.
Gossip can certainly damage trust, as talking about someone behind his/her back and word getting back to the person can and certainly does happen. In fact, some people use it as their primary way of related to others, and it’s best to look out for them in your surroundings. It might make them seem like social butterflies, but in reality, they’re seen as back-biters. After all, if the person you’re speaking to is talking about someone else negatively without them around, isn’t it very possible you’re also the subject of it when you’re not around?
Especially in today’s social media landscape where everything that is posted online is indexable and searchable, it’s easier than ever to see the ugliness that’s not being expressed directly to you. When you see what’s being said about you, trust is lowered, as you see how two-faced the person(s) involved are. In many ways, it’s illuminating to see the reality. At the same time, if you’ve formerly placed trust in those who’re saying these things, it’s can also be very disheartening to see.
How can you navigate these turbulent social waters, and keep your personal integrity?
First off, don’t actively engage in gossip. In other words, don’t start talking about another person behind his/her back. Always assume that it will get back to the person somehow, especially if it’s said over the Internet and/or on social media. Never say something about another person that you’re not willing to say to his/her face. Assume that anything negative that you say can and will get back to them, and if you engage in this, that you’ll face the consequences of this kind of gossip. Try to say positive things if possible. If someone is talking negatively about someone to you, try to make them see their gripes from a more positive angle by playing a form of devil’s advocate.
Build people up rather than tear them down. Remember when I said that what you say about a third-party influences how the person you’re speaking to perceives your opinion of them? When you lean in on the positive aspects of others, you’ll be seen as someone more pleasurable to speak to and is far more trustworthy. This is something gossipers aren’t aware of, and they have these blinders on to their detriment.
Keep a keen eye out for people who engage in gossip and react accordingly. Don’t trust them with anything in your personal life that might come back to bite you later. Keep things very “close to the chest” with them. Know that you cannot avoid being talked about, and that this is beyond your control – some people simply cannot help themselves but think and speak negatively. Focus on staying positive, and let those who’re trustworthy show themselves to you.
Lastly, don’t actively discourage others from gossiping as they do about others. It’s best to lead by example, and it’s potentially more impactful to show others what being trustworthy looks like vs. trying to command others to be more trustworthy. The latter raises defenses and drowns out the message, while the former is far more impactful. It’s not a fool-proof solution as some just won’t get it or change their ways, but at least you’ll be better off as a result.