How attraction is rooted in our primal survival instincts
It’s a fact of nature that humans and animals have a natural “pecking order”, a way to determine who’s more of a leader and who is not, who is worthy to lead and carry the group to survival or not. This is the case in both humans and pack animals. We innately know that we need a natural social order in order to pool resources together in order to survive.
This has served humanity for many years, and helped us survive in tribes. Those leaders at the top had access to the groups resources and had the responsibility of distributing them fairly amongst the group. Those who didn’t contribute or who was seen as weaker were often ostracized from the tribe, as they were perceived to not contribute, and was more of a burden than a provider of resources. Capable hunters had to earn their place in the tribe, and those who couldn’t cut it were often left to fend for themselves.
Such is the case in our modern world. We just don’t use spears and often covet more sophisticated resources (money, fame, etc).
We tend to like others who can help us survive in a chaotic world.
On a very basic level, people today still operate under these same social frameworks. Those who are seen as having less “survival value” (from social ineptness, bad hygiene, fearful body language, among other reasons) will be avoided and shunned. Contrast that with someone who projects confidence, dresses well, and cares about his or her own needs, and this person is unquestionably more attractive. This is because these positive traits project more survival value, meaning that others subconsciously believe that such a person can help them survive. This is a determinant of attractiveness that is often not discussed.
If you have problems connecting with others and failing to click with them, it may be because of inner social fears, or something that others can detect in your body language that is turning them off (signaling low survival value). I’m keeping this post very general, as people having differing views of what is attractive or not. But the basis for this is always rooted in our desire to survive and attain resources. Attraction is often based on being perceived to provide resources to others.
What does this mean for you? Having higher levels of self-esteem and confidence are key. Dress well and take care of yourself. Lose excess weight and present yourself well when you go out and about. You don’t have to be millionaire or having thousands of social media followers to be attractive. Often just nailing these basic things are good enough.