Before I tell you the story, here's how to make sure your heart is in the right place.
In my book, “Become Whole,” I discourage people from being ‘nice’ and instead move towards becoming what I call “whole” which is someone who sets boundaries and isn’t afraid to put his/herself first. This doesn’t mean that you cannot be kind or do favors for others, provided that the motivation is sound, and has no strings attached or ulterior motives. It should be without expectation of reciprocity, unless that is stated by the person(s) you’re doing favors for. If none is stated, assume no reciprocity will be given.
If you can do good things for others and still be able to keep expectations on a realistic level and not give to get anything in return (again, unless it’s stated that you will get something). No one is under any obligation to return any favor unless it’s understood by both parties that such an obligation exists.
With that being said, on to the story....
At an evening social dancing event, I was watching the other people dance and having an enjoyable time. About midway through the event, a man in his 80s approaches me and starts talking. It was a pleasant conversation, and it was soon made apparent why he was talking to me. He was stood up by his date and needed a ride back home. Without being too specific, he had medical issues that prohibited him from driving.
I immediately went through a small mental checklist. Would this be a large inconvenience for me? No, his home was only a few minutes from where I live. Is there a personal risk to my safety? It’s possible, but considering the situation, not very probable. Is there a downside to my saying ‘no’? Well, he is in his 80s and would be pretty heartless if I refused. After quickly weighing these factors together, I decided that yes, I would give him a lift home.
He was a very good conversationalist, and everything was good, he got home safe and so did I. I didn’t want anything in return and never expected it. I kept appropriate boundaries and at the first sign of any trouble, I would reject my acceptance to do the favor. At the end of it all, I was happy and satisfied with myself for my good deed, and didn’t violate any of my personal boundaries or values.
Always have boundaries and make sure that your motivations are from a proper place, while keeping an eye out for any unexpected hazards, and you can remain a good, whole person without worrying about being too ‘nice.’ Go ahead and do those good deeds, and keep your expectations realistic and pure. If you can do that, you can rest assured that the acts of kindness will be mutually satisfying.