Why having the victim mindset is so disempowering, and how to shift it to that of a thriver.
One of the most destructive mindsets that you can have is that of a victim. Especially in today’s world, it’s one of the most appealing mindsets to have.
Just so we’re clear, I’m not saying that people enjoy being a victim. No one sets out to make themselves miserable. However, it’s appealing for two reasons. First, it takes personal responsibility away from the person that believes they’re a victim by placing blame for their circumstances on outside influences. It’s essentially a copout: It’s easier to be a victim and believe that they’re trapped in circumstances that have happened to them, but it’s also much more disempowering. Second, they believe it gives them a twisted sort of “badge of honor”, and so it becomes part of their internal value systems and even part of their identities.
Bad things happen in our lives. None of us are immune to life’s curveballs. But we all have a choice. It’s one of the most token “positive thinking” cliches in the world, but it’s also very true. We don’t have to stay stuck in a disempowering state and mindset over events that happened. I had a large number of bad things happen to me throughout my life, and while I’m pretty open about it, I no longer let it dictate who I am or what I become. I’m writing this post from personal experience; I used to subscribe to this victim mindset and enjoyed the perceived “perks” and let it disempower me.
In “Become Whole”, I discuss the common actions and thought patterns that “nice” people have. Many of these “nice” people subscribe to a victim mindset as part of their beliefs and values. While we should acknowledge the negative events of life, especially if we can gain valuable lessons from them, we shouldn’t let them take away our personal power.
Reframing the Past
One way to get out of the victim mentality is to look at past events with a different perspective. Sometimes we can gain valuable lessons from past events, and other times we can’t. In those cases where we can’t, understand that it’s not really a personal thing. While it may seem like it, people are stuck in their own heads and operate from their own perspectives. They may have lacked the self-awareness to see the impacts that their action had on other people.
Many of us are inherently self-interested and look out for #1. Do the same for yourself and look at those events this way – negative points in time that can chip away your personal power. The past is past and cannot be altered, so don’t let it do more damage than necessary and impact your present and future.
Be future-focused, not past-preoccupied
When you focus on the potential opportunities that could be in store for you by focusing on building the kind of future that you want for yourself, you’ll find your self focusing on the past less and less. You’ll find the courage to take the necessary actions that you need to take in order to thrive in life. Of course, negative events of the past will creep in, and yes, more negative events will happen in the future. It’s inevitable. Embrace that fact, feel the fear, and take the actions anyway.
Releasing the victim from your mind and taking on a more empowering mindset will take some persistence, especially when you’re used to having one. Keep at it, and be vigilant when the victim decides to rear its ugly head. Pivot the thoughts to one of a future-oriented thriver, and over time, the process will require less effort.