In a previous post, I wrote about how to handle self-criticism. Today's post is about how to take charge of how you talk to yourself and why it's vital to your wellbeing.
The importance of the ways that we talk to ourselves in our heads cannot be understated. It determines so much of our outlook on not only how we view situations in our lives, but also our opinions of other people and more importantly, ourselves. We are always talking to ourselves and running an inner monologue. This is our minds way of helping us live our lives in accordance with our values and what we believe is best for ourselves. More than anything, our minds want to keep us safe and secure in the world.
In people with healthy self-esteem, this inner monologue pushes them towards what they want to accomplish in life. It encourages them to push forward towards what they desire out of life, and helps them see obstacles and setbacks as issues that can be worked out. For people with less-than-optimal self-esteem, however, it’s often discouraging and often tends to lean towards negativity.
The purpose of your inner voice and why it's vital to take control of it.
One thing we need to understand about the voice inside our heads is that it wants to help you out. For many reasons, it can serve you in ways that can keep you safe, and this includes keeping you from emotional hurt. At its core, this is a healthy function, and is present even in people with healthy self-esteem levels. For many people, it can have the impact of keeping them from reaching their full potential in life, setting mental barriers around what is possible for them.
Many people with lower levels of self-worth are afraid of failure, and unjustly see this is something that needs to be guarded against. Understand this – failure is a learning experience, and doesn’t make any statements about a person’s worth. Everyone has inherent worth, and no number of mistakes can change that fact. When mistakes are misinterpreted as statements of worth about a person, this is where people can run into roadblocks for themselves.
The fact is, even the best of us makes mistakes in our lives. The difference in people with healthy self-esteem levels is that they don’t see them as statements about their worth. Believing that mistakes have a fundamental meaning about a person can set them up for many mental barriers around what they’re capable of.
How you can start to take charge of how you talk to yourself today.
Our minds are immensely powerful things! If you tend to get down on yourself, or if you feel that you are holding yourself back by staying ‘safe’, take heart. You can take command of your how you speak to yourself and change the tone of your inner voice from fearful to encouraging. The best thing is that you can start doing this immediately! Of course, it will take some work, as you may have a negative inner voice out of sheer habit.
You have to monitor what you say to yourself and make a conscious effort to turn around the negative self-talk into more positive, supportive messages. You’ll literally have to catch yourself in mid-thought and debate that voice. For example, you may want to try an outdoor sport that you’ve never done before. At first, you might tell yourself, “This is intimidating, I’m sure I’ll make mistakes and….”. You should immediately catch that thought and instead say, “okay, I’ll make mistakes, but this is my first time trying out something new. I won’t be perfect at it, but the only way I can get real skill at this is to get out there and learn the ropes. And this involves making blunders, and that’s okay. This is part of the learning process.”
I highly recommend that you write down any negative statements that you tell yourself. If it’s usually pretty negative, you may have to do a bit of writing, but it helps to look over what you say to yourself so you can work to adjust. You have to have a second voice that works against the first, and go to war with it in order to change it. By doing so, you’ll find more life satisfaction and feel better about yourself. When you encourage yourself instead of limit yourself, it will make what was seemingly impossible possible.
Stay well, my friend!