When self-criticism is healthy, and when it isn't
Being critical of your own actions and mindsets can be an immensely helpful thing. It keeps you centered, can help you improve, and motivate you to take care of tasks that you may otherwise not want to do. In other words, it can push you to greatness, or at least keep you from situations that are less than optimal.
At its core, the goal of this is to keep you safe. It’s an inner voice that serves a purpose, and in our modern world, its purpose is to help you survive. However, life in today’s world is plentiful, and we don’t need to watch everything we do to make sure we make it through the day alive and in one piece.
Many people have let this survival mechanism run amok. Our minds are programmed by our past experience and use this as a point of reference for our basis for self-criticism. Someone who’s shy, for example, may beat themselves up for not doing everything “100% perfect” in a new social setting. Someone who believes he/she isn’t worth much may be driven to get discouraged at the slightest sign that they’re not seeing immediate success in his/her endeavors. In their minds, this is keeping them safe from harm, but in reality, this is probably one of, if not the biggest obstacle to their personal success.
Take control of your inner critic to reach greater levels of success
We all have an inner voice that we have to live with in every waking moment of our lives. This person has taken up rent in your head, and many believe that they’re stuck with the tenant that they have, no matter how destructive or negative this tenant can get. With simple habits, you can take steps to restrict the words of the negative inner voice and turn it into a tenant that’s more encouraging than not.\
While I said that these habits are simple, it doesn’t mean they’re easy, especially when you’re used to listening and believing in negative self-criticism. It might take some work on your part but stick with it for a few days and see if it makes a difference in how you feel and look at the world.
Ways to combat unhealthy self-criticism
Firstly, realize that your inner voice is trying to protect you, but like an overbearing parent, the methods can be a bit extreme. Don’t be afraid to talk back to it. Going back to the shyness example, when you make the effort to be more open with others, don’t look for every little thing that went less than perfectly. Instead, congratulate yourself for the effort, and let your mind know that it’s okay for everything to go less than perfectly. Apply this to everything in life. Mistakes and mishaps happen.
Second, you’ll want to come up with a single goal that you’d like to achieve. If you want to get better at dating, making more of an effort to chat up people you’re attracted to is a good start. At the same time, build up desire by imagining what it would be like to achieve this goal. Not in a “law of attraction” way, but in a way that builds a sense of desire and more importantly, determination. Let it guide you through the inevitable roadblocks and use it to keep from getting discourages. This applies not only to dating but any personal goals that you feel will improve the quality of your life.
Finally, do everything you can to keep expectations of yourself realistic and practice being as objective as you can when you examine yourself and your progress. People who get easily discouraged tend to think of themselves as lower skilled than they believe, and never give themselves enough credit for the effort that they make. Practice patting yourself on the back, and if mistakes happen, examine the lesson to be learned. Mistakes are guideposts, not roadblocks. If you’re inner voice tells you to run away, silence that overreactive parent by stating to yourself that it’s a very minor event and is actually a good thing – it’s a sign of success.
I hope that you’ve found this helpful. If you have any tips to share, or want to give your opinion, leave a comment below!