In order to understand why we feel inadequate from time to time, we have to understand the nature of the emotion.
Feeling inadequate can be a complex thing. It has a lot to do with what you believe about yourself, and by the amount of belief that you have in yourself and your abilities. One thing to keep in mind is that failure at anything in life isn’t the same thing as defeat. Too many people view failure as defeat – perhaps something didn’t go the way you expected it to go, and so you let negative thoughts impact your mindset, coloring your experience.
Granted, there are some things you might not be very good at, and that’s okay. I couldn’t draw well if my life depended on it, but I’m good at a lot of other things. Your personal skill level at an endeavor doesn’t determine your worth as a person, and if you want to improve, you have the ability to do so. This post will address the ways to handle the thoughts and feelings behind the feeling of being inadequate, and how to direct your mind in another, more positive direction.
How I went from feeling inadequate to having a great time in one evening
Recently, I went out to go to the local dance school for a dance party. I enjoy watching the people dance and observing the various styles. I often partake myself, but due to my perceived skill lever (still a beginner), I’m not as confident about going up and asking for a dance as I could be. So I’ve been a bit more passive than I otherwise would be. This wasn’t the first time I went, and usually get good dozen or so dances under my belt each time I go.
This time it wasn’t so numerous. I could count the number of times I was asked to dance on one hand. This caused me to question things – granted I could’ve been less passive. There were things I could’ve done to rectify this, so that’s on me. But I couldn’t help but wonder why – was I giving off negative non-verbal signals? Was I being too distant?
For a little bit, I was watching the couples in my help, but I kept going down a rabbit hole of negativity. Thankfully, I managed to pull myself out and have a good time. Here’s what I did, and what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.
What to do when you start to indulge in the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy
Focus on your environment – Often we get wrapped up in our heads when inadequacy strikes, which causes us to be more introverted. Your brains are problem solving machines, and it interprets the negative emotions as a problem to rectify, and stays stuck on the problem. But the solution is remarkably simple, and that’s focus on something outside of yourself. For me, I ended up talking to the other people at the table more and enjoying the conversations with others. It helped foster a feeling of being welcome, which overrode the negative thoughts.
Make small talk with the people around you – This is a great way to divert your focus from your emotions and on to something that places you in the present moment. By doing this, you’ll discover that just because things may not be going quite the way you expected, you are getting something memorable about the experience.
Don’t be on your cell phone to distract yourself – Too many people in today’s world rely on the super-computers in their pockets as a crutch to avoid social situations. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and since your mind is hyper-focused on helping you feel better, it doesn’t care if the solutions will truly help you. Cell phones just make you look uninterested in others, and since many people aren’t up for “bothering” others, it can be a real barrier to overcoming feeling socially inadequate, and really living life to the fullest.
The key is to distract yourself from the negative thoughts that come into your mind by shifting your focus on something else. Many people are thinking of themselves first, and aren’t going to care too much if you’re not “the best” or if you’re not feeling bad. Recognizing when feelings like inadequacy strike and taking constructive action to shift your focus is the best way to handle them.