No one should let themselves be treated like a doormat!
So, an interesting thing happened the other day. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed as I like to do about 10 times or so throughout my day, when I happened on something interesting.
One of the Facebook groups I was a part of had a new post by a person who was a second Facebook group I used to be in. Put another way, this person was in two common FB groups I’m in. In this group, this person’s post was expressing disgust about the other group. It was the fact that this member’s post was deleted in that group due to the fact she was standing up for people not accepting abuse and being strong. They were encouraged to be doormats in their relationships.
Some background: The group being complained about in this new post was a group helping relationships that are going through rough times. The group that the post was featured in was a group dedicated those who want to thrive in their lives, which is my kind of group! Basically, she was encouraging people in the relationship group to be strong. The admins in that group were, in effect, encouraging people to accept and tolerate abuse, essentially to be ‘nice’ in a very dangerous way.
As soon as it became apparent that this group was not only accepting but encouraging this sort of treatment, I exited stage left. It is intolerable. I have no regrets about this.
I invite you to have a similar attitude regarding dangerous situations where you’ll be encouraged by others to be ‘nice’ to your own detriment. There seems to be a growing trend to tolerate weakness in our society today, while strength is looked down upon. What went on in this group is just a small sliver of the greater picture of this disturbing trend at large. As people on their quests for personal growth and reaching wholeness, we must be aware and on the lookout for these types of scenarios.
I’m not saying you have to loudly complain to everyone who’ll listen to you when you get angered or offended by someone suggesting to tolerate crap, although if you feel it will make you feel better, then feel free to do that. But you should always, at the very least, exit and walk away from the situation.
Don't let anyone tell you to accept less than what you could be!
Situations like this really anger me, so I always do more than that. If nothing else, walking away is the BARE MINIMUM I recommend that you do. I didn’t exit the relationship group silently. I raised hell and made my point known. People in the group who witnessed my actions and words mostly loved it – those who didn’t, I wouldn’t want to associate with anyway. I direct my anger at those in the situation who deserve it, and that’s it. Mature, directed anger. Not bitching loudly to anyone with a pulse.
I was civil, but I made my views known. Yes, it fell on deaf ears in the end, as I expected it to. No, it didn’t make a difference, as evidenced by the post I saw on my feed. It doesn’t matter. I stood up for what was right in a balanced, direct, professional way. I didn’t tolerate the weakness, but I wasn’t a jerk. I did it the whole way.
How you can assist and encourage others
Have the veracity of Malcolm X, but with the grace of Gandhi. Stand up for yourself and for others when you see someone dole on poor advice or express the idea that being weak is somehow good. It’s not a good situation at all but be civil about it if at all possible. Sometimes emotions will run high and you might go a little over the line, that’s okay. It’s better than saying nothing at all.
If you find yourself being too shy to say nothing at all, slowly work your way up to it. Work on your social skills. In my book, I go over ways to stop being ‘nice’, follow those as best you can.
If you’re a ‘jerk’, use your confidence and swagger to fight the good fight and stand up for strength in humanity. Put that to good use and stand up for dignity and self-worth. Not only will you be promoting a healthy, whole society but you’ll feel good about it as well.
Always be kind to those who are suffering and are caught in patterns in their lives that are detrimental. Show them that you care. If they’re open to it, gently guide them to a better way of being and to listen to what they have to say. Be there to support, but also to push them into doing the right thing. No, you cannot control them, and at the end of the day, they will do what they will do. At least make the effort to lead the horse to water. If you do, you’ll be doing them a great service, even if they do not drink it. You gave it your best shot, and that’s all anyone can ask.
Strive to show kindness to those who are suffering and/or need a boost.
Stand up to those who encourage being weak.
Never tolerate those who seek to keep you living less than what you deserve.
Stand strong and keep up the fight.
Feel free to express your thoughts and leave a comment.
2 thoughts on “Realizations of Becoming Whole – Don’t Tolerate Weakness, Show Kindness Within Limits”
Love this! You tackle many areas of ultimately complacency; tolerating weakness. Strength should be encourages not dismissed. It’s a wonder if keeping peopke inside a circle is means to establish control. Being too nice or being too mean seems to be the extremes. People have forgotten how to keep things in moderation. They wait to boil over or they shoot off like fireworks.
Good point regarding the establishment of control. They say that those who’re in mental frames where they feel they cannot stick up for themselves and/or are at low points, are “easy marks” for those with agendas, especially if they’re predatory. This is all the more reason to encourage those who are in those frames to see that having a spine is important so they don’t become potential victims. Sharks swim in all waters.
Also, of course, I absolutely agree that too many people think and operate in extremes these days.