Is body language the key to 'whole'-ness, or just a piece of the puzzle?
There’s no denying body language is important. It’s a well -researched fact that 85% or so of our total communication comes through in our non-verbal communication (body language).
If we are ‘nice’, we will have ‘nice’ body language, and this tendency will increase based how far to the ‘nice’ side of the barbell that are you in.
In my book, I demonstrate that being whole is in the center of the barbell, which is where we want to be. The ‘nicer’ you are, the further along to the left you are. Conversely, the more of a ‘jerk’ or the ‘worse’ you are, the further along the right you are.
The further you are along one side of this barbell model, the more your body language will reflect that. It will not only impact how you view yourself, but how others will treat you and how others will perceive you. Not to mention, how you tend to get treated based on how you look, and act based on non-verbal communication.
During my ‘nice’ days, I had to learn this the hard way. My body language screamed ‘kick me’, like a sign taped to my back. And others tended to treat me lower than dogshit. Not only did I unintentionally scream “treat me horribly”, but I had one more strike against me.
I was silent. I never started conversations with other people. Because again, I didn’t feel worthy enough to exist in this world. I would’ve rather have been invisible, and I acted like I was. It is my hope that, if you can relate at all to this and are going through something similar, that you can get better. You get better by becoming whole. By following this blog, purchasing my book, and/or signing up for my newsletter, you can get started on the path to leaving all of that behind.
I know you can do that because I’ve walked that path and done it.
Examples of 'nice' body language, and how to improve your nonverbal communication
Examples of ‘nice’ body language and other forms of communicating include but aren’t limited to:
- Slumped forward stance
- Walking with head down
- Soft voice. (not really body language, but people will talk over you if you display this.)
- Difficulty looking people in the eyes, which has the unfortunate effect of causing others to not trust you
- Weak words, “I think” “perhaps” “I’ll try” “Maybe” “I suppose”
- Allows others to get in personal space
- Awkward, standoffish disposition
- Head slouched forward
- Doesn’t expresses many facial expressions
- Guarded, flat expression patterns of face & body – stuck within a limited range
If you are a jerk, you’ll be overly cocky. Honestly, as you become more whole, your body language should become friendlier. Of the two sides, the left side (‘nice’) poses the biggest problem and ‘nice’ body language is a much bigger problem than the other side.
I go more in-depth into this topic in my book.
Now, I will talk about how to tackle the issue of body language. I firmly believe that body language is an outward expression of how you really feel. And try as you might, this cannot be faked.
To address this issue, the correct way is always “inside out”, not “outside in”. What do I mean by this??
If you try to outwardly be more confident, but you don’t feel that way, it will feel hokey. You will feel disconnected from what you are truly feeling. Try as you might to express the opposite of what you’re really feeling, your body language will betray you. People are master sensors of incongruency.
However, it is possible to feel a certain way by adopting body motions that would indicate, and inspire within you, certain emotions. For example, if you’re feeling depressed, you can make yourself feel a bit happier by acting happy, putting a big grin on your face, and dancing around the room. But you’d have to do that continuously to get to feeling happier. Say, around 15-20 minutes, minimum.
If you really want to improve your body language, and you know it needs a serious tune-up, this wouldn’t be a bad thing to do on a regular basis. Like a more animated version of verbal affirmations.
The importance of good body language should never be overlooked!
As you become whole, your body language will naturally reflect those changes as you go. As you start to believe in and like yourself, and learn to not be a passive observer, but an active participant in life, you will come to feel like someone of value. You will express that in how you carry yourself, naturally, without having to put on any airs, as it will feel natural.
If you’re on the other side of the barbell, you’ll strive to appear less aggressive and intimidating, and more approachable.
In all honesty, ‘whole’ body language is one of the best benefits of becoming a whole person on the inside. Because this has become the new you, you wear the new you naturally. People will respond better to you. And you’ll have a greater regard for yourself. It will all come full circle.
As you work to become whole, be aware of your body language. It really does impact so much of yourself, and your quality of life.
It’s not the entire solution to the puzzle, but as you figure out the ways you have to move into becoming that whole person, you find that it is one very crucial piece.
I welcome any and all thoughts on the subject of body language and communication! Please leave any thoughts and questions you have below.