“Whole” is all about balance. It's not an absolute standard.
It’s about striking the right balance between being too passive and/or fearful of doing what is best for you and your relationships and being too aggressive and uncaring.
That balance will look different for every person. “Whole” isn’t a single state that, once achieved, makes you “whole” for the rest of your life. I put it in parentheses to clarify what I mean when I use the word, both here and in my first book. It’s not a “one and done” proposition, by any stretch.
It’s something that is a continual goal, that propels you ever forward in your life. It’s not meant to be a state where you make perfect decisions all of the time. There will be times when you’ll lean more into the passive side than active, and vice versa. You may have a been more permissive of someone than you ideally should’ve been, and that’s perfectly fine.
You simply do the best that you can. You should never expect perfection as it’s just not possible.
I use a barbell analogy in my book to illustrate what being “whole” means in a visual sense. It’s the perfect form for lifting the weight so that your muscles (the way you approach life) is in harmony with the proper way to approach relationships and other areas.
The goal is all about improvement, not perfection.
I would never expect you to be perfect, and you shouldn’t expect that for yourselves either. Like many areas of life, there will be times when you come up short and don’t perform 100% perfectly. This isn’t the goal by any means. “Whole” is more of an ideal goalpost to shoot for rather than a defined goal that you must reach, or else you still have work to do. The work involved with personal development is ongoing.
If you’re too far on one side of the barbell continuum, then you would certainly benefit from a goal-based mindset to course correct yourself toward being more “whole”. However, you’re not expected to be whole 100% of the time by following my advice. That isn’t the correct way to approach it, and that’s not an expectation I would have of anyone following my material.
If your life and relationships improve because of my books and content, then you’re becoming sufficiently whole. Being perfectly “whole” isn’t an absolute benchmark that you must judge yourself by. That just isn’t the right way to approach it.
“Whole” is a more abstract goal to reach, that is meant to guide you towards personal excellence. Expect to come up short. It happens, even to me, and I write books and blogs on the topic. It’s not a benchmark that you must perfectly reach – it’s an overall goal for yourself that you must always strive to meet. Just do your best, and don’t expect to become 100% at it. Be easy with yourself.
Check out my book on Amazon.com to learn how more about what being “whole” means.
Photo credit – nine koepfer on Unsplash